I'm typically a Type B kind of person, until it comes to my future.
Then I get crazy!
I stress about where I'm going to go to transfer to college, what my degree is going to be, and then what kind of job can I get with that degree.
I stress about my future husband (he is going to need lots of prayer because he is gonna have to put up with my craziness!!!) who is he? Where and when am I going to meet him...etc!
It stresses me out to the point were I obsess over it!
Especially the husband thing!
I always tried too hard. I would talk to several guys, and would attach myself to guys whether they returned my affections or not! I would put myself in group settings and try to captivate everyone's attention
Yeah, very classy....uggg!!
I got my heart broken a couple of times which made me try even harder!
You could tell I was desperate...I honestly don't know why I was because I was 15,16,17...I really didn't have to be desperate! I had and have plenty of time, but it was something that I desired with such a ferocity that it consumed me and ultimately became an idol!
When I actually got into a relationship though, I ruined it because I took that relationship and worshiped it.
Not exactly something that God is going to bless.
But now that I am single again I realize what I was worshiping and putting my faith in. Obviously not the right thing!
I realized that I didn't trust God to bring the right guy at the right time...so I took matters into my own hands and made a mess of it! I have no idea what I'm doing! I don't know when the right time is or who the right guy is!
So first I realized the root problem (Idolatry and lack of faith) and then I began to attack it by praying about it and changing my thinking!
I pray(ed) daily, hourly, pretty much whenever I thought about it, that I would surrender my 'imagined' rights and trust the one who knows way more than I do! I asked that I would give up that desire to be in control and that He would clearly make known my direction in life.
That's when I realized something...I had let God take control of most aspects of my life, but this one thing I just couldn't give up! So that's when I just got on my knees and totally surrendered. I gave God total control of my ENTIRE life. Part of me was scared...I felt so out of control! But then a peace came over me...I don't need to stress! God doesn't need me! He can do this totally by Himself!
Even though I changed my thinking, I still had to be proactive in changing. I had to start viewing the guys around me, not as potential boyfriends/husbands, but brother's in Christ, guys to be friends with and have fun with!
I prayed constantly that He would give me the strength to give up control.
It is still hard and I still struggle with it! And I still stress about it, but honestly, since I have been working on changing my motives and thinking I have become happier and more carefree! I don't have to care what people think of me anymore! I can be me...(scary I know) I can be friends with a bunch of guys and have fun! I can focus more on my girlfriends and family! And ultimately, I surrendered my plan to God and am trusting in God's sovereignty! A much better place to be, honestly!
Give God control of that one area in your life that you are holding onto...trust me...let go!
I'm praying for you all!
Love,
Cait
