Lovin When I Don't Wanna

Awhile ago, I wrote a post about loving when it's hard....(you can read it here...http://catydidgirl.blogspot.com/2015/06/loving-when-its-hard.html) but what about those times when you just straight out don't want to love them and plain hate them (maybe hate is too strong of a word...or maybe not..)???

Be honest with yourself...I think we all have a person that we just down right refuse to love!

Don't worry....I'm not judging you!! Trust me!! I have people in my life that I just hate!! This post is as much for me as it is for you!!



Whether this person gave you reason to hate them or you just flat out want to hate them, it doesn't matter! It doesn't matter who they are, or why do have this level of dislike for them, you just do, and you kind of want to!

I uh, hate to break it to you though, (myself included) that this 'emotion' (ha, you got that right!!) towards this human being (are they even human?) is sin...(darn it!!) Yeah, God says to love everybody (maybe this person won't count, maybe, just maybe there will be a legitimate reason for me to be allowed to hate them...please!!)



Nope!!! God says in the Ten Commandments, to love your neighbor as much as yourself. Unless you completely despise and hate yourself, which I'm pretty sure you don't, since we are selfish human beings, who sometimes love ourselves too much...you have to love this person (it's okay, get red in the face, scream, and throw the nearest object next to you across the room...I did that already!)

I don't want to love the person I detest either! They have done so much to bother me and torment me...( I may have twisted their words a little bit, but hey, it's probably what they mean...right?)

However, if we are truly followers of Christ, we should desire to do what is right and love this person. But sometimes, I honestly, really, really, don't want to, despite what God says!!!

But here are somethings that help me take a step in the right direction.

1) Start viewing them as human beings with a soul: I know that sounds weird, but I think it's true!! Sometime when we hate somebody our emotions get in the way and we unconsciously (or consciously) view them monster-like and think that every word they say or everything they do is pure evil (maybe a bit of an exaggeration).

If none of you feel this way then...I'm going to delete this blog, shut my laptop, and personally admit myself to a psychiatric hospital because I clearly need help!!

If you do feel the same way, then GREAT!!! Well... okay maybe not great...but hey, at least I'm not crazy!

In all seriousness, when you start looking at this person and viewing them as a person with a soul and as someone who could either be going to heaven or hell, it creates a tenderness and compassion towards that person!

Again...a step in the right direction!

2) Stop twisting their words and actions!!! I know it's hard to break old habits, but really, it only strengthens your hate and feeds the emotion!

3) Put yourself in their shoes: A classic, might I add!!

4) Let it go: Right now I'm singing that song...and since you can't hear me...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0MK7qz13bU
You can thank me later!!!



Stopping this emotion won't happen over night, it will take LOTS of prayer, dedication, and patience! But trust me, it will be worth it! Hating someone is so straining and is a weight on your shoulders!



So there you are! it won't be easy, but with God's help you can do it!! We will all be trying to love the people we hat together! And dare I say...we might actually like them??? Who knows!!

Love you all!!!
Good Luck!!
~Cait

Listening to Understand

I LOVE to talk! Trust me! It's one of my best qualities!! I rarely am at a loss of what to talk about! Rarely!!

While my strong point is talking, my weak point is listening! During a conversation I have noticed that I tend to tune the other person out and start thinking about what I'm going to say next.

I saw this quote yesterday and thought it worded this problem perfectly!!

Here it is....

"The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply."
-Gabriel Garcia Marquiz



I so often listen to reply and don't take the time to really hear what that other person is saying. It makes me wonder, am I really caring and loving that person by tuning them out and selfishly trying to determine what I'm going to say next? No, of course not!!! What I'm doing is completely selfish and unloving!!

Now, having thought out replies is a good thing and is a wise move, however, focusing on what the other person is ACTUALLY saying can help in having an intelligent comeback and lead to a very thoughtful conversation.



You can learn a lot about people when you actually listen to them and hear what they have to say!

Now, the hardest part is actually listening to understand not to just reply.

The action part is way harder than just recognizing the problem!!
This is the part that I still struggle with!

So I think that once you recognize that you struggle with listening, you can move onto spending time in prayer, asking God to help you overcome this struggle, because we obviously can't do it by ourselves! I think we also need to start changing our thinking- it's not about how many words we can get into a conversation, it's about what you can learn from a conversation or how you can encourage this other person!

Some people just want a listening ear! They don't always want someone to try to insert their opinions or solutions, but someone who will encourage them and just hear and understand them! So start thinking about it that way! Start telling yourself that this person really needs someone to just listen not talk!!


Not to mention, your relationships are guaranteed to be strengthened just by listening to understand, because...

1) You are putting someone else's needs above your own.

and.....

2) You are actually hearing their likes, dislikes, hopes, dreams, struggles, etc!

You can learn a lot about someone just by talking to them!

I know I didn't have an actual solution for you guys, I'm still trying to figure it out myself! But I hope, f nothing else you can know that you aren't the only one who struggles with this!

Praying for you guys!!

Love,
Cait